12:34 AM

My oh well.
I'm drinking coffee. My mom gave me the choice of either going to bed at 11 and waking up at 3, or going to bed at 3 and waking up at 6 for band. I'm going to bed at 3. Caffeine. Coffee. Similar words. Funny how that works. Snowman mug. It makes me smile in my exhaustion. I don't care about the french revolution.

Apparently I've been extravagent.

Mr. Brown. Ha...I wonder what my teachers would think if they knew I wrote nice things about them on my blog? anyways. I said I'm ok. That startled him. He was expecting something happier. I've always seemed to be extravagent to him. OK. I've never really used that word before, except when I'm singing that song. I'm singing tomorrow. For Mr. Brown. I'm nervous. Murder, He Says. jake will be proud! JAKE! *sigh* I miss him. Steve says hi. He never called like he said he would. Boys have trouble with that. I guess I'll forgive him. Best friends are good for that. My tummy hurts. Graham didn't tell me he's sick. Now I am....well getting there anyways. I would like to know these things before I share my mouth piece. oh well. Supper was little. But Ashley is cool. I'm cold.

WAHHHHH

I'm soooo looking forward
to the lunch ahead of me.
Nothing special. Subway.
But food there is yummy.
I like the bread.
It tickles my stomach.
And the ice tea...mmm
cool like a hummock.
There's nothing better
than a bunch of time.
It's not extra, not free,
but utterly sublime.
This poem kinda sucks
and I'm ok with that
cuz I'm so chilled
I really wish I could scat.
Cuz Ella's where it's at
and I know she's so fly,
But my sad attempts to do so
go so far awry.
But Louis on his trumpet
is where my dreams will stay.
He's flawless, so perfect,
I'll be just like him one day.
Glenn Miller and his big band
can romance anybody
and his lyrics would never
be considered bawdy.
No one could match Miles Davis
and his bluesy way to swing.
As well as Louis can tut
and Ella can sing.

OK I'm done. Haha. Spares are fun. Mr.Valleau is like a really cool teacher! that is all I have to say at the moment.

North. Great Album. Something Corporate.

1. As You Sleep
2. Space
3. Down
4. Only Ashes
5. Me and the Moon
6. The Run away
7. Ruthless
8. She Paints Me Blue
9. Break Myself
10. I Won't Make You
11. 21 and Invincible
12. Miss America

Yay. Music is good. I like it. Also, when people are just like "ALLISON! listen to this tonight!" then I'm like "ok!" and I do...and they know oh so well what I like. SUPERB! I never say that. Oh today. So slow. Wind Ensemble this morning...then social, I almost died. then spare. I practiced...then sang along to Ella with Chel. Jazz combo at lunch Bb Blues! Yay 3 cheers! *cheer*cheer*cheer* LOOOOOONNNGGG math class. But calculator messaging=fun! with 2 people too! yay, I have friends! tee hee. Band...every 2 minutes I was looking at the clock. holy man. Freezing outside...THERE HE IS! walks towards him. HI! tee hee...you're the best John. Mall...cozy. Supper yummy. Kiss goodnight perfect. *happy sigh* floating pee :D

So cheery.

Recipe:
start with half an hour of smiling in a long boring day.
Add 5 giggles.
Mix in 3 laughs and 1 laugh that make the tears fall.
Blend all ingredients together until happiness is formed.
Sprinkle with 4 conversations with good friends
and drizzle your favorite song on top.
let sit for half an hour, contemplate the day, smile, and let cool.
relax, take in the fresh scent of happiness.

www.acrushonyou.com

Ever have trouble telling that special some one that you have a crush on them? Tee hee...well someone had trouble telling me...and I got an email from this website. I sign up, many usernames that I want to use are already taken (so annoying!) , curious, of course. I wait for it to load. And I get the opportunity to guess my crush.. Well..this is new. I'm cozied up with my toe print blankie, feeling fuzzy on the inside, anxious, yet calm all at the same time. It's impossible. Guessing...name after name after name...then everyone that I guess gets an email. Yay for scams. haha. And me falling for them. Oh well..I wish she would just leave me alone. *sigh* I miss you John.

Happy is a yuppie word.

Oh man. Awesome day. I love days like this. When I just leave, and meet up with people, then get more people, and do what ever I feel like doing...and coming home when I feel like coming home. It's so nice. I feel so free. Not to mention having tons of fun at the same time. Yay for Grand Theft Auto Vice City. haha...stealing cars, killing people, running over people, killing more people, buying things. So fun. haha. Mmmm Pizza. That was yummy too. *happy sigh* I'm over joyed with my day. And I got to finish it off talking to John. *it only sucks that I still have homework to do*

I've got to live, I've got to love, like I am unafraid.

Dyb weekends are always so much fun. I love going out friday nights for some eaters. mmmmmmm white chocolate brownies. *licks lips* I didn't want to come home. I walked half way. Then I saw a bus and hopped on it. Then everyone looked at me weird. This chick from school was on it, but she just smiled then continued talking to her friend. please, somebody, wake me up when september ends :S

I'm the only one and I walk alone.

School's getting better. It makes me happier. I like being happier. Maybe something will happen soon that will make me even happier. Who knows if I'll be happier. Happier is a lame word. Ok...I went shopping today with Eymeric. We bought presents for people. I enjoyed it. I also bought presents for me. 2 cds. That new Switchfoot one..."Nothing is Sound" (only $9.99...I hope you didn't pay anymore than that for it Lauren) And "American Idiot" from the marvellous Green Day. It's impossible to find cards for people in hallmark. Geez. Oh well. *hiccough* This is a boring entry. I'll go. <3 John.

Now I find I've changed my mind, I've opened up the doors...

In other words, I'm ready. I'm ready as I'll ever be. I just wanted you to know that. I needed to get that out of me. So I'm sorry that I didn't say it to you. Paul found me today. I gave him a hug. I needed one. Thank you for the hug Paul. I'm in room 278 for that stupid pathways thing tomorrow. I hope I know someone else in there. So far no one else that I know is in that group. I really wanted to be with Mr. Brown. Not anyone else *sigh* oh well. it's only every 2 weeks anyways.

Now I Need To Get Alone, Get Out of Here

I don't feel the same as I usually do. I bitch slapped Eymeric today. I thought he was being a jerk, but he wasn't really. I couldn't believe that I had done it. What's done is done. And we both got over it quickly, he even let me walk him home. Then on the way back to my place I thought it was going to rain. I decided something today. It's all set. I forgot my lunch again today. But Jenni shared her crackers with me. and a carrot. yum.

We were Meant to live

School's ok, but whatever. People are stupid when they're together. Music blocks most of it out. Or just ignore what they're talking about. I walk into the room and those two laugh. At least it's for their own behalf. That's the problem these days. It's never for others, it's "me" always. They just need to learn selflessness, but they mostly act with brashness. Unfortunately not all change is good. Take him for example, with his selfhood. Maturity isn't guaranteed with age, otherwise life would be assuage. The more you go through, the wiser you get. How long will it be before I forget? We were created for amusement, yet we act like that's only a fragment. A fragment of our lives, the way we think they're meant, but take a look at all the time not spent. We waste away, not caring about the fact that there's a right and wrong way to act. We don't have time to fake it, but we ignore, leave that omit. Nothing is taken seriously, not life, not friends, not family. It's detrimental to not only us, but to our general purpose. We should enjoy life, be a little fictive. Then maybe we'll live the way we were meant to live.

Please Note:

"No Sally Today" isn't directed at anyone. John: please never stop caring <3

No Sally today.

Kids are absolutely crazy.
Amused by the simplest things.
They run around me,
squealing and laughing.
They spin in my head.
The noises get loud.
My blue eyes turn red,
and they begin to cloud.
The sounds blur together.
I need to escape.
I've reached the end of my tether
and my world's lost it's shape.
The musical toys,
they won't stop their screaming.
I can't deal with the noise,
so I'm going to start dreaming.
I'll run from the world
and all I know it to be.
Let it all become unfurled,
so everyone's able to see.
I'll abandon every word
because talk is really cheap.
Won't get too bothered,
then maybe I'll get some sleep.
I don't need attention,
it's the last thing I want.
It would only cause tension,
and cause me to daunt.
I don't need your help,
your hand can't reach.
I'm no longer the whelp
that you beseech.
Please leave me alone,
I need time spent solitaire.
This life's my own,
I don't need you to care.

Skeleton Key

Skeleton key...not frightening, freaky. Boy's shaking hand, too scared to stand. Loudly chewing gum distracts just some. Girl hears a sound then turns around. BOOM! a man's there, seen through cracks in her hair. "17 for the gas" that's all he asks. "this isBenny, near dead", that's all Luke said.
Next we walk in the rain. Girl drives Boy insane. Get's splashed by the bus, Girl makes a fuss. We step in the door, water drips to the floor. Clothing is wet, but no one's upset. Pizza we eat, with wet and cold feet. Movie we see on the big screen TV. Ice cream came soon, the credits too. Still raining outside. Boy's mom gives a ride. Safelyt at home and ready for bed. Daddy says "good night my little sleepy head."

Satisfied. Stomach, food...allied.

Doodling, a frequent passtime.
One time plus one half a time
slowly pass by.
Loose strength in the eye.
Thoughts mingle, blur.
I'm asleep,I'm sure.
I see what's before me,
I'm doodler, seeing doodlee.
Pen falls from hand,
the dream began.
My head tilts slightly,
Eye lids fluttering.
The clock reads half past.
Time flies fast.
Four I awake, not all's right
I lift my head, dim the light.
Five goes by, then skips two.
I'll wake at seven if that's alright with you.
Kentucky Fried Chicken,
the grease quite thick.
Through the fridge I dredge,
yet no ketchup for my potato wedge.
At least it's food to eat,
before starvation defeat.
I'm satisfied,
stomach and food allied.

So Lost.

Jazz was cancelled today. So I'm home now. And I have no clue what to do. No one wanted to do anything with me, so here I am. Unfortunately I'm so depressed, so sitting at home, alone, is not the best thing for me. Alas, the weather is crappy and cold, so I can be found aloof in my abandonned household. I feel like escaping, but I have no where to go, and no one to find, and my ambitions are keeping me here. My stomach is empty...as it has been for the past 2 1/2 weeks. I fed myself french fries from the cafeteria this morning; however, despite the wonderful taste, it is unfulfilling to my grumbling stomach. It was nearly loud enough to cause a small vibration on the floor of the band room whilst Chelsea and I were napping during our period 3 spare. Oh the pains of starvation. I'm literally blabbering. I'll shut up. Oh, and Aeriol, it wasn't any of my business, that's why I didn't ask. Seems like nothing is my business these days. Please though, please fill me in on what you've been saying about me. And laugh at me to my face, it will make me feel a whole lot better.

EW EYEBALLS!

People keep staring...whatever. Eye balls are nasty though. But they tell you so much. Like when someone smiles...you know it's fake if their eyes aren't smiling too. People are stupid. Why don't we all just start our own rumours so that we can find out where they end...and if our "friends" will let us know what's going around about us? I think that would just make so much sense. We'd all have no problem with what was being said with us...and we would all be able to find out who our true friends are. I'm so happy it's depressing. Someone PLEASE get me out of this feeling! One day I'm going to wake up and wonder why I'm so happy...then when I find out that I'm not actually happy...I'll be so depressed. And like I'm already intensely depressed...but I'm happy...I don't understand. Maybe all I need is food and friends and all God sends. Pshhh. No way. Just a job. Then I won't have to think as much. Or more. I don't know. I think I thought more during the summer, but it's hard to say because all different things were on my mind. Life is so screwed.

Holy Gs!

I was bored tonight... so then I'm thinking "I should practice since I have band and Jazz tomorrow." So I went into my room, the lights dim since I have only lamps to shine, and I played. At the back of my book there's this "high notes" excersize, and I totally surprised myself tonight. 3 high Gs. Clearly. No kidding. I doubt I'll be able to hit them again. But that's ok. I can't be perfect. I took a bath too, it was nice. Called John like I said I would (only a few hours later since I was out right after school with people), but he wasn't home. *sigh* I was gonna tell him all about my first "day" of school. I'll see Paul tomorrow, that'll be cool. He's cool. Good friend. I'm blabbering. Barry White is awesome. SEXY music!!!

No One

So I wrote this like at 1 am this morning because I'm cool and words just randomly pop into my head.

No one is always there.
No one can always see.
No one can always care
about the pain inside of me.

No one can never pretend.
No one can never fail.
No one could ever mend
skin under one's fingernail.

No one can always smile.
No one can always fake it.
No one's never hurt while
they know they can't take it.

There's no one who could have hurt more
or cried more over you.
There's no one else who could have handled
all the pain you put me through.

yipee!!!

Ok. So the summer is over and I couldn't be happier. Working at camp this summer was tons-o-fun...and I made a lot of really great friends that I know I can count on...but the work of that is over, and the work of school is just beginning! *dork* I know. But like...who cares about homework, you do it, get it over with. I'm just so happy. Exhilerated perhaps. It's like a roller coaster. I never know what's coming next. I love it. haha...Good thing I have a positive attitude cause who knows how many friends are going to be "turned against me". I won't let them bring me down :D

Grrr

I just got home. The house smells like poop. Mom's yelling at me because I move too slowly. My day was great, but I wish that I never had to come home. I literally can't wait for school to start. I'm like counting down the days. *tomorrow* I'm such a loser. I know that like in a few months I'll be counting down to the end of the year, but whatever, I just need to get away from my house. Laura left today. I don't know how I feel about that yet. I'll miss her, I'm sure of it, but I don't think it will hit me right away. We used to be close, but that all left when we moved here and we both changed. I saw change more in her than in myself...but that's only natural. We'll see. My Blister hurts *sigh* Puttin' on a ritz :S Thanks for the movie John. It made my day happier...if only I never had to come back home again. I'll miss hanging out with you this often...but I'll see you every weekend for the rest of the month. Yay...road trip to Wetaskiwin with DYB. Tee hee...That will be totally fun.. I should maybe play some of that before next weekend. Jeff will kill me.

Blonde Moment

Ok, so maybe this could have been prevented if it didn't happen at 11pm and I wasn't alone, but alas, it did, and I was. So I'm sitting on my bed, and I see this bottle of Hydrogen Peroxyde on my head board (I keep it there in case my ears get infected...I like the tingle). So I'm like "hmm, I just got a jumbo blister today, bigger than my eyeball, and it's open, and I don't want it to get infected, so I'll clean it out with this stuff" BAD IDEA. My leg was twitching with pain all night. At least it's a clean blister. Some friendly advice: Don't put Hydrogen Peroxyde on open wounds, PLEASE wait until they are closed and scabbed over. Unless you want to go through a lot of unnecessary pain. *go ahead, laugh*

haha...finally

Tee hee...it's a blog that people will find! oo that's exciting. I got a blister today from roller blading for 5 hours. it's bigger than my eye ball. *pop* John...I don't see how leaving the skin on them makes it any better...it just hurts more. *sigh* (I took it off) eek.